Ask Mello
by oliviathecf
Summary: I've kidnapped Mello, and I am forcing him to answer questions! Have at it, and fill your need for questions!
1. Chapter 1

Hey, stupids! It's me Mello. Escaping Dreams and all her emo-y names and teenage fangirl obsession kidnapped me. Right out of that truck that I kidnapped Takada in. After making me shoot her, and call that dickface Kira pretending I was her. Then she took me and plopped me in front of her laptop, and is making me answer questions about myself. AND she is telling me to watch my language. She limited me, AND she's keeping a close watch on me! So here are the rules:

1. Keep it T.

2. You can ask me to write a little, but if you want a giant one-shot, it'll be posted elsewhere.

3. No dares. I'm not in the mood for them.

4. Ask me anything! Whether it's about my relationships, or about music. I am listing to music so feel free to ask what song I'm listing to!

5. You can even ask questions about my captor, Escaping Dreams. However, nothing to personal. If you ask her name, she will probably tell you that she's named Sophia, or Cynder. Those are her aliases. If she's up to it, she may tell you her first name. If you ask her last name, she'll tell you its Keehl. That's because she's a stalker.

Have at it! In all my sarcastic glory. I am Mello, number two at everything. Second best to a sheep boy.

Escaping Dreams: I feel your pain.

Anyway…start your questions!


	2. Sayu, Chocolate, and Death Oh and Hal!

_AN: I don't own Death Note! Or Mello! And if this story wasn't T then, it is now!_

Hmm…I've been sitting on my lazy ass, reading Lemon about that sexy chick Lidner, and I while I've been in captivity.

Escaping Dreams: Pervert! So that's why you've been closing the window every time I walk in the door!

Eh heh heh heh! So let's get on with my questions!

**Miss Bright**

**1. What did you think of Sayu, and how did you feel about kidnapping her?**

2. Is Escaping Dreams treating you well? What kind of chocolate are you eating in your captivity? :P

3. Tell me about the first person you ever killed.

You're the person with that great story about a female A or Allie and I! Escaping Dream's wants you to update it, and frankly I do too! So on to answering questions.

1. Sayu? You mean that little miss innocent who I used to get the notebook? She was just another pawn for me to use. Due too popular belief, people think I have feelings for her, or I raped her or something like that. I barely talked to the little bitch.

2. She keeps on making advances on me, besides the fact that she's thirteen. She tells me to imagine she's eighteen, and with her powers she evolves into an eighteen year old! It's crazy man! Then she gets a hold of herself, and invites Halle Lidner over. I'm not complaining about that! I imagined that she would feed me some cheap crap, like Hershey's, but she feeds me Cadbury. Hey did you know that here where she's keeping me captive, Caramilk bars are called Caramello bars! It's awesome!

Escaping Dreams: I've told her that.

Oh well…I've been beaten again –sighs- Oh well, on to the third question!

3. The first person I've ever killed? Hmm…I think it was that sorry ass guy who was Rod Ross's number one enemy! No…I think they were his guards…I had to chop that asshole's head off, and mail it to that Mafia group! Ick! The blood was everywhere! I'm not B! Then they just accepted me, and killing became easier…that's…it.

Well…I've gotta fly! Escaping Dreams just invited Halle Lidner over…if you know what I mean…and I'm dying to get out of this leather…

Escaping Dreams: I don't want to be in the room when this happens…eww! Their so loud! I feel like I need to wash my ears out! And once I walked in on them! –Shudders- I had to take several showers after that! And go drinking with Matt! Not alcohol of course, cause I'm not old enough, but I drank enough coke to black out from the caffeine!

Well that's embarrassing! Actually that's mortifying!

Escaping Dreams: Okay…then…See you next time! Make sure to ask your questions!

Bye! No not yet Hal! O-

Escaping Dreams: EH…GOOD BYE!


	3. AntiYaoi,Parings,Embarresment, and Love

Alright! After that embarrassing that had to be cut off rather abruptly, and a night of Escaping Dreams sitting owl eyed, staring at the computer, I have gotten another review!

Escaping Dreams: I saw Inception last night, and Mello and Hal were…eh. So I couldn't sleep! So I ended up going downstairs, and then passing out on the couch, waking up at eleven o'clock AM. I scurried upstairs, threw a couple chocolate bars at him and we went to work!

That's basically it. Okay so these questions are from **empressfate**;

**1. Mello, what is Matt to you?**

2. Mello, hat's your favorite pairing in Death Note (that you aren't in)

3. Escaping Dreams, is there anything embarrassing Mello does that you've discovered while holding him hostage?

4. Please tell Mello I love him.

1. Argh! –Punches wall- Matt is just a friend! Nothing else! I am not in, nor will I ever be in sexual relations with the man. Well…if Hal got drunk, and Matt screwed her…but I will never have sex with Matt! He is just a loyal dog, and my buddy from Wammy's House.

2. Parings? Hmm…I like to tease Matt about Misa, but on , I like B and Naomi Misora. There is this awesome lemon I've read…

3. Escaping Dreams: EH! Ok, let's not get into detail here. Like Mello's stated, he reads Lemon. About most every heterosexual paring, he's read it. He teases Matt about them.

4. Escaping Dreams: Back off, he's mine!

Actually, I belong to no one. If anything, you bitches belong to ME! Oh, and **empressfate**? Sorry, girly! I love Halle Lidner! But I appreciate the thought

Escaping Dreams: Viewers, Matt is about to get here, so he can smoke my ass in a game of Double 007 Nightfire. On my GameCube! Do you honestly and earnestly believe that I would have something new, like the WII? I hate it, because I have to move! You're supposed to sit down on your lazy ass, and play video games! Not move!

Alright, what Dreamy (I call her that when that bitch is delusional) is trying to say is that you can ask Matt a question for the next round, but only the next round. And its Ask Mello. Not Ask Mello, and Matt!

Escaping Dreams: Sorry this chapter was so short! Goodbye, and ask your questions!

See ya later!


	4. Near, Rants, and more Rants!

I'm back! Here with more answers to your questions!

Escaping Dreams: The reason he is so cheerful, is because I just gave him some Cadbury!

Yeah, that's it! Ok, now on to your questions!

**Chihuahua0**

**1. What do you think of Near. Isn't he cute?**

No! He is a stupid ugly albino sheep, who deserves to die! He takes my rightful number one spot, makes a fool out of me, uses people who don't deserve to be used, is too headstrong, he is a perfect little genius who couldn't do anything wrong he is in love with MY girl, and he is a shitfaced, no good son of a bitch!

Escaping Dreams: I think he's…ok looking. He is cute, but I don't really like him.****

2. Can you play an instrument?

Yeah, I can play the guitar. I was in a band with Matt, and Linda. We played at the school dances. Matt played the drums, and Linda played the keyboard. Oh, and I also sang. We were fucking awesome, and every year we won the battle of the bands!****

3. Escaping Dreams: Why do you love Mello? Near is cuter and more interesting than that scarred-face chocolate-loving, gender-bending, guy.

Escaping Dreams: I like Mello, because I can relate to him easily, and I can see myself in him. We are like long lost twins, except we aren't related. So I can hit on him, because I think he is sexy. –Reads last statement. Happy-go-lucky smile turns into a pissed off blonde Mello frown- I think his scar gives him character, and makes him more human, unlike that ugly big eyed sheep, chocolate is the greatest food ever, he is NOT a gender bender, and he looks like a guy! He is a great character, unlike that idiotic (metaphorically of course) albino sheep, whose name is an adjective! UGH!

Eh! We interrupt this rant for a commercial by me, Mello!

_Do you have crappy albino sheep problems? I know I do! So buy Sheep-Off today!_

Alright, we're back!

Escaping Dreams: Onto the next question!****

4. Do not move. There is a creepy child outside nicknamed Fiona. She talks in bold and she has lethal "crawyons" in her pistol.

Don't worry! Escaping Dreams just put indestructible armor on her German Shepherd, Heidi, and sent her out!

Escaping Dreams: See you next time, where we will figure out if Heidi lives!

Bye! Oh look Halle Lidner's here!

Escaping Dreams: Aw crap

See ya soon!


	5. School, Movies, and Death To Takada!

All right! We're back!

Escaping Dreams: Heidi lived! –pats the dog-

Ok, so on to the shit that Escaping Dreams calls "questions"

**Miss Bright (Damn girl! You must really like me!)**

**Haha. Don't worry Mello, and Escaping Dreams, I'll update my story pretty soon :3 Like...in a few hours!**

Yes!

Escaping Dreams: Woo!****

1. Mello, what was your favorite subject in school (back at Wammy's)?

I liked Gym; because that was the only subject I could beat Near in! AND all the girls swooned over me! I told Escaping Dreams about the first Gym class, and she wrote a Fanfiction about it, so that is up. It's under Mello wins.****

2. Mello/Escaping Dreams: best movies of all time? 

I like that movie Escaping Dreams saw near the end of school…Invictus! Oh I also liked Inception! Matt, L, Near (unfortunately), and I saw that yesterday. I guess we we're on dates with her friends. Matt kept mooching candy off L, Near sat there wide eyed, and I enjoyed the movie like a normal human being. Except I almost hit a few girls who were sitting behind us, because they hit us with food, and shit. One even bonked Escaping Dreams in the head! I want to see it again!

Escaping Dreams: I really liked the movie I saw yesterday, Inception, and I want to see it again! It was that great! I also like Pursuit of Happyness, and Toy Story 3 OwO****

3. Mello, if you had the chance to kill Takada, how would you do it?  


Let us see…I would corner the ugly bitch in an alley way, and stab her legs, rendering them of use. Then I would make an incision into her throat, and pull out her voice box. Her screams would grow slowly silent, until they die down. Then I would shoot her in chest repeatedly, making sure to miss the vital organs. Then I burn the body, and watch as her eyes grow wide with agony mwahahahah!

Escaping Dreams: If you want the original, I'll give it to you. Let's just say that the original would have to be rated "M" for gore!

Damn strait!

**That's it for nowwwww :D**

See you all later! I tied Escaping Dreams up! Now I run the show! I'll try to keep it T though…but no promises! You can still ask Escaping Dreams questions though; she just won't be in charge!

Escaping Dreams: -Uses powers to untie self- sorry Mello!

Oh well! Review some more! And I just invited Hal over.

Escaping Dreams: See you all later! And I mean really later!

Oh hey Hal!

Escaping Dreams: Review, and have a nice time!

Were going to do it this way, because you are mine!

Escaping Dreams: -Leaves-


End file.
